Doubts in the oven

Mom likes to get my girls to do domestic stuff. That’s because, as she figures, they aren’t getting it at home. She’s correct. In the last few months, she’s taught them to sew and cook. One night, while preparing cut and bake cookies, she asked, “Does Mommy make these kinds of cookies with you?”

“No, we don’t have an oven at our house,” Mia told her. Mom assured her that we did have an oven, but Mia refused to believe. How Terribly Sad. I even use it on occasion. As I said last week, I don’t cook. I have lingering doubts about what goes in the oven. My goal, though, is to es-chew (c’mon, that was punny!) fast food for Lent, though, so, I’ll be getting re-acquainted (have we even met?) with my oven.

In other news, my sister is pregnant with her first baby. I’m going to be an Aunt! So far, no word on boy or girl, still Team Green for a few more weeks. I have doubts about that, too, to be honest. Will I be as good an Aunt as my sister is to my children? I don’t make fantastic treats. I don’t bake birthday cakes. I don’t sew special outfits for outings or occasions. I don’t do…. much of anything.

As she bakes her bun in the oven, my doubts rise like dough. I had the same doubts when I was pregnant with my children, and after they were born, and before they started preschool and yesterday, and today and probably tomorrow. Doubts show up daily.

For I am persuaded beyond doubt that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-29

 

When trials and tribulations come, when the heat of the fire is applied to my life, when my faith is under pressure, I have difficulty because of the doubts in the oven. In the end, I am persuaded beyond doubt that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, but in the short term? I choke. I stumble. I allow doubts to multiply.

Usually, eventually, I tell my doubts who’s boss and beat them back, persuading myself beyond all doubt, but I want to be strong before they, like yeast, gets worked through the dough, before the doubt muffins begin to expand.

What, in your life, produces the most doubt? How can we squash doubts before they start?



Advertisements

21 responses to “Doubts in the oven

  1. First off, I bet you’ll be a terrific aunt. And I have nothing to base that statement off of, other than I just think so. πŸ™‚

    And what doubts do I have? Or what produces the most? How people feel about me. I know it sounds petty and insecure…because it is, but I often wonder if people like me.

    • Michael, we’re so alike…. lol. Kristin, I would say the same- doubts about what people thing, people’s approval, etc. Yikes… 😦

    • Thanks, Michael! Your baseless optimism is encouraging πŸ˜‰

      Insecurity and social comparison get me a lot, too. I even go so far as to wonder if I’m the butt of some kind of worldwide conspiracy to make me think I’m liked, when really, I’m not… I have issues.

  2. Sometimes I doubt my influence at home, church, with friends. Then I just tell them I know Pastor Michael and Prophet Dustin and I get my credibility back. So awesome! πŸ™‚

    We are all built differently, and I’m sure that there is something very special that your niece or nephew will love about you.

    • I appreciate that, Moe. πŸ™‚ I am good for help on English projects and talking for hours about the randomest of junk. Plus, I’ve got experience (years, in fact) in dealing with their mother, I’m sure they’ll find that helpful.

  3. Love the multiple play on words … and now I’m hungry.

    Most doubts in my life come from my lack of formal education … strict-Mennonite girls aren’t allowed to go to high school and definitely not college. After leaving those boxes, marriage, kids and business happened … so formal education was postponed. Now I consider it … but gosh, I don’t feel like putting in the time and money. If only I could get a few letters behind my name for real-life education, I’d been good to go … and I’d have all the confidence in the world … right? I would? Won’t I?

    • I would never have guessed, reading your writing, that you didn’t have a formal education. I found more doubts while obtaining mine than I lost in the knowledge I gained. I kept thinking that any day during my MA program, the smart police would come arrest me for being a poser. Thankfully, they didn’t, but I still have bad dreams about that.

      I love your site and am so glad I discovered you and your story. Thank you for stopping in and commenting, Janet!

  4. Congrats, Future Aunty!! Kristin, you are going to be an amazing Aunt!! I just found out that my brother and his wife are having their first baby and I can’t WAIT! I haven’t used an oven in months (other than that time my heat went off, but there was definitely no cooking going on), but kids don’t really care about all that stuff. They just want attention, someone to listen and delight in them,… and someone to play ring around the rosey with them for 45 minutes. Your love is all they want, and you have plenty of that to give.

    I have doubts about my strength and ability to perservere when life gets tough. The only way that I have been able to squash these doubts is to just keep on truckin’ even when the doubts are along for the ride. Eventually, we see that when we lean on Christ, resist giving in to the doubts, and move forward…the doubt leaves us and we are stronger and more aware.

    • When will you be an Aunt, Katie? I actually have a nephew and niece via my step-brothers, but I was never as close to those step-brothers as I am to my sis, and I’m not particularly close to my nephew and niece. I see them each 1-2 times per year. I think I can handle hours of ring around the rosey. That’s definitely in my repetoire.

      I think you’re persevering marvelously! I love that you’re trucking. Now, I’m mentally singing “On the road again,” but I digress. You’re a heroine, KM. I want to be you when I grow up.

  5. Sometimes I think I drown in a sea of doubts. I guess having people in my past tell me (or demonstrate) that I can’t do something, or they have made me feel not good enough, that I have ended up believing them and doubting what I can do…or what I’m good at. I wonder though, if some of all this isn’t just low self-esteem and not really doubts….

    I also start doubting myself when I compare myself to others. Which, I know, ultimately I shouldn’t do…but I do :o(.

    • I get most insecure about those things that I’ve been told are my weaknesses, too. So, while I’m fairly comfortable as a teacher, I had enough rotten feedback about my exams to make me leery every time I give one.

      there’s a huge difference between your self-concept (your identity) and self-image (your view of yourself in particular situations). If you’ve got those doubts about who you are, you might have low self-esteem, but if you have doubts about aspects or actions, it’s probably something more easily worked out.

      Comparisons are tricky, and even though we shouldn’t, you’re right, we do.

  6. Okay, so am I the only one that saw “doubt muffins” and thought AWESOME! I’m totally stealing that.

    I doubt myself when I’m not affirmed. It’s definitely my numero uno love language. Even if I know I’m doing well or doing right, if I don’t hear it I start to wonder if I really am. Not because I want to impress others, I just want to know that I’m doing what I need to be doing. Not sure if that makes sense but that’s been the story of my life.

    These days the majority of my affirmation comes from Jesus, but I still love hearing it from those that love me!

    • you’re speaking my language. Time and affirmation are HUGE with me. It makes me feel loved to hear that I am loved. I don’t always need to hear it, but it helps to know I’m communicating effectively, or that I’m an asset and not a debt to those I know.

      Jesus affirms me. I love that. I love resting in him and knowing I am loved, but, then, Jesus speaks my love languages.

  7. Good luck and have fun with the cooking. I learned to cook – I didn’t used to know how – and though it has taken time and been a process, it is a skill I am so glad to have. Have fun with it!

    The things that are going to make you a good aunt to your sister’s child are different than the things that make your sister a good aunt to yours. So what if you don’t bake cookies. I’m sure there are things that you do that your sister doesn’t. What a variety of wonderful women those girls will grow up with. They are all lucky kids!

    • I do want to learn. I know how to make a few things, and do them pretty well, but branching off from those? woah.

      Thanks for saying so. You’re a sweetheart, Danica!

  8. Being unsure of my own abilities causes doubt to rise up in my life. Bible studay and prayer usually helps.

    • do you ever write a post, and think… that’s… going to flop? do you publish it anyway?

      I have that feeling a lot, but when I publish it, those are usually the most popular. Doubts – squash em like a bug! God puts things on your heart for a reason.

      • Kristin…my most popular posts are the ones I thought were totally lame. So, YES, I hit publish anyway. πŸ™‚

  9. Okay, first off, the oven is MUCH easier to use than the stove. Go to Costco, get some stuff that you just throw in the oven, and TADA, fast food avoided. LOL And, you can also easily warm something up on the stove. My family is a big fan of the spinach ravioli at Costco. The freezer is best friend in the kitchen. πŸ™‚

    My biggest doubt concerns my intellect, which is probably a big reason why I went to school for so long and double majored in the undergrad and grad. That makes me sound extra smart right? If you want to push my buttons or make me feel really bad, just call me stupid. That always works. Or just look at me like I’m stupid. Or don’t look at me because you think I’m dumb. I think you get the point.

    This is an awesome post, girl! We are more alike than I first imagined.

    • I do make a few things – and most of those I bake or put in the crock pot. Mia doesn’t pay attention unless it concerns her directly πŸ˜€

      I know what you mean about intellectual doubts – you are extra smart, Keri, and I think we’re often just as doubtful of our strengths as our weaknesses.

      Thanks for reading, commenting and sharing! I appreciate it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s