I’m still a bit shell shocked from our afternoon at Chuck-E-Cheese. We didn’t eat there. I learned that lesson months ago, the hard way. Trust me on this and your digestive system will undoubtedly thank you, don’t eat the pizza. In addition, and I say this because I love you, Chuck-E-Cheese is the the real Sin City.
It’s got it all, Gluttony (see above, but I repeat, DON’T EAT), Lust (for prizes), Wrath (they can’t fix the dang game that just stole my token?!), Envy (look at all those tickets that kid has!), Pride (I’m the world’s best at this game), Greed (taking turns is for losers) and Sloth (because you didn’t listen to me and ate the crappy food, and now you can’t move).
I know it’s a popular place for kids’ birthday parties, and my kids are head-over-heels for the place, but I’m telling you, it changes you. You might as well pack the kiddies off for a weekend in Vegas, because this Mouse’s house is a virtual Hotel California.Here is my evidence:
1) It looks evil – glossy-eyed children, pushing and shoving, and more than a little impatient foot stamping.
I Thessalonians 5:22 – Abstain from all appearance of evil.
2) It sounds evil – squeeling, pinging and breathless swearing. My own three year old, upon encountering a broken game, uttered a single “damn” before turning away to another one. WHAT!? where did that come from?She must have learned it there, because she didn’t learn it from me.
3) You get a hangover just from entering – I’m still recovering. That was Thursday. I shook the desperation off my sandals when I left, but I still feel the place clinging to me like the greenish-yellow pollen blanketing my car.
I don’t expect you to avoid it, entirely. If you know children, you’ll probably have to enter the double-doors of torment. You’ll receive your stamp upon entering, which allows you to buy tokens (ahem #markofthebeast) and then the whole wide world of wailing and whining awaits.
Come to think of it, Vegas has the moral edge on C-E-C, and much better edibles. I cannot save you from Chuck-E-Cheese, but I do caution you: DO NOT EAT THE FOOD!
Which location do you put on par with Hades? Have you ever been to the 9th circle of cheese?