Rocks will cry: A boobie post

Let’s talk boobies for a moment, shall we? If you’ll recall, I’ve talked about how breasts are precious in God’s sight,  before, but there’s more. In addition, guys, I know how much you hate talking about boobs or reading about them, but this is different, so, keep reading, ok?

A picture of boobies

China is developing a group of cows to replace boobies! You may or may not have “herd” it here, first, but here’s more information.

I’m not a breastfeeding freak, the kind that militantly demand that everyone planning on formula feeding their infant is deranged and abusive (and I’ve met some like that), but I did nurse both of my girls- one for 11 months, one for 17 months. They were not EBF (exclusively breast fed), but got enough of mommy milk to say they were breastfed, certainly*

So, even though I’m not a rampant opinion-giver on the issue of breastfeeding, I say… I think the cow business is bovine, I mean, asinine. Our bodies, our boobies, were made to feed children. Udders were made to feed… baby cows.**

I have no problem with cow udders supplying me with milk – I drink a ton, but, cow proteins are not easily digested by tiny little digestive systems, thus why infants should not be given cow milk.

From the article, the genetically modified milk is “80% the same as human breastmilk.”That’s close, but I’m afraid, close doesn’t always cut it.

My research has found that we share 96% of our DNA with chimps, 60% with mice and 25% with daffodils. With those kinds of numbers, maybe we should stop milking cows and start milking apes? Close is not equal.

I believe what bothers me most is that we’re looking for a substitute, a simulation, because it’s something we don’t want to do ourselves. Even with milk banks, breast pumps, storage systems, heck, even wet nurses, we’re looking to cows to feed our babies.

Now, you might ask, how are boobies like worship? (I know that’s what you were thinking!)

Our worship is organic, comes from within us, overflowing from a full breast in love. Jesus said that if the people would not worship and kept silent, the rocks would cry out (Luke 19:40). Substitutions will be made, but God desires the worship of his people, not the moss-covered green rocks or cracked earth!

Humans won’t feed their children human breastmilk, which is better for mother, baby, the environment, the economy and the bond between human beings, and so we must look to cows. When we refuse to worship, the rocks, like engorged milk-filled breasts, will pour forth praise in our stead.

What’s your favorite flavor or type of milk?

How much would you pay for a gallon of breastmilk from a cow?

*I realize this may disqualify me to speak on the subject in the eyes of many

** Click at your own risk, but I thought it was apt and funny.


32 responses to “Rocks will cry: A boobie post

  1. 1. Those boobies have nice shoes
    2. Men can breastfeed:
    3. You’re off your game. You didn’t change the color of green when you wrote “moss-covered green rocks
    4. Favorite milk is 2%
    5. I miss your posts!

  2. I’m with you…. genetically modifying cows milk to give to babies? Of course these wouldn’t be cows that have been given growth hormones, right? Crazy stuff…. why bother.

    So, I gotta say…. When you asked “how are boobies like worship?”, the first thought that popped into my admittedly deranged mind was “Wow… worship at your church must really suck.” 😉

    • now that’s funny.

      I hate all the growth hormones and worry about what it’s all doing to children, especially. I don’t know why we want to mess with what God gave us so much

  3. 2% all the way, and it even has to be gone before the due date or I’ll toss it.

    A gallon of breastmilk from a cow? I’d pay a buck and a half I guess, but the cows breasts would have to look like human ones, and the picture would have to be slapped on the label. Like the link above, perfect.

  4. Boobies are fun, boobie posts are funner. I wondered how you were going to turn the boobies around to a spiritual application. Well done!!

  5. I like chocolate milk, of course. I didn’t clue into your not having changed the colour “green” to green. Take a nap :o) they are wonderful!

  6. I love Chocolate Milk…mmmm….

    I gotta go….lol….

  7. So. Many. Puns! lol
    And do you really think us guys hate talking about boobies? ER, wait. You’re right. We do hate that. *phew, almost let that secret out!*

    Seriously though, great way to illustrate the kind of worship God is looking for. He wants ours, but will substitute it if we don’t.

  8. I’m a 1% kinda guy….

    I’m thankful our family is now all drinking (minus the newborn) the same milk. No more 3 different gallons of percentages. 🙂

    • My youngest was allergic to milk, so, for awhile (until she grew out of it – mostly), she was drinking soy. I totalled it all up one month and the milk bill alone was $140

  9. Wow, a lot of guys commenting on a post about boobies. So weird! And it is amazing how you can read my mind like that. The connection between worship and boobies has been a sticking point for me for a while so thank you for your service, Kristen. 🙂 As for milk, I like 1% or skim. Whole milk tastes like cream to me. Blech.

  10. I’m more a 2% guy, but my wife has pushed me toward skim. Maybe when the baby gets old enough for whole cow’s milk, I can mix them.

    I loved the puns!

  11. Crazy! Just when you think you have heard it all, right?

    We drink 1%. And I’m afraid that I have to disagree on guys not liking to talk about or read about boobies. I think they do.

  12. I can’t wait to hear about what searches lead people to this post!

    When I used to take my twins home to my parents’ house (when they drank whole milk, I drank skim, my mom used 2% for cooking, and my husband drank soy), my father used to joke: “I have to wake up 5 minutes early just to find my milk!” Moo.

  13. I love me some fresh milk from boobies. I would pay 10% more to suck them from the cow itself. A la natural!!! 🙂

    I’m a 2% milk type of guy which they say is only 5% less fat than original milk (something like that).

    P.S. I love how you flipped this into worship. Only in Herdy world will that happen. 😀

  14. WordPress is blocked at work, so i only saw the text of this post…nevertheless, i figured if it was NSFW you would’ve said so. That being said, I expected the same kind of boobies pictured above.

    But I tend not to comment on these posts, because I know how awkward it is to have chicks commenting on my posts about recovery from porn addiction.

  15. CHOCOLATE!!!!! Is my favorite by far. And it is the only kind of milk that people should drink.

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